Hmmm.... Something I'd like to do in my life... I'd like to take my daughter to Italy! When she's old enough to appreciate it, of course! Maybe for her 16th birthday! That would be cool, right? I'm Italian (so, obviously, she is too) and I've never seen Italy. That's the dream! Or be rich. That would be cool, too. Then we could summer home in Italy and that would be even better than just going for her birthday! Dream big with small expectations, I say! You can't go wrong that way! Sooo... that's it? That was a quick answer for something that was supposed to inspire a whole blog.... Hm. Maybe I'm just having one of those days....
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Day 4: Something You Have to Forgive Someone Else For.
I think it's pretty obvious by now that I suck at this blogging thing. It's taken like 2 months to do 4 days worth of writing. Boo to that crap!
Alright, on to the topic at hand. I pretend I don't hold grudges. And, to be honest, I really don't hold grudges very often because the fact of the matter is that it's waaaaay too energy consuming for me. Trying to remember why I'm mad at people when I'm kinda ALWAYS mad at people is really hard! Just too much for me to keep track of I guess. There's only one person in my life who makes it VERY easy to hold and maintain a grudge against them: my mother.
I love my mom so much! I'd really be lost without her sometimes. At the same time, she's one of the few people that can make me angry within about 30 seconds of contact with her. She's not exactly nice. She has a naturally abrasive personality. She thinks that things like calling my brothers and I "slaves" is funny. It was. The first 100 times, I guess. After a few years, it lost it's humor. Now it just makes me wanna punch her. Especially now that I have a child of my own, who happens to be my mom's one and only grandchild at the moment.
I guess I really need to forgive her for not being "emotionally available" to me growing up. I didn't do what I was told because I respected her. I did what I was told because I feared her. I still do. For example, when it came to my wedding, I pretty much let her have her way with most things because I was afraid to fight her on it. Looking back, I wish I'd fought. My wedding was a little over 2 months ago and I still wish we'd just gone to Vegas or something. I really wanted to buy a pretty pair of flats that said "Just Married" on them so I could change out of my 3 inch heels after the ceremony. Mom said that would be tacky. So I didn't buy them. Instead, I kicked off my heels at my reception and went barefoot! Mom almost had a heart attack. Ha! Take that! That was my revenge for her being so mean about my wedding and not letting me have the simple little things I wanted! I'm a horrible daughter.
She also kinda always does stuff for other people and their children before me and my daughter. You know, her ONLY grandchild. Yeah. Nice. My mom is very "crafty." She crochets blankets, makes quillows, makes clothes, does needlepoint and can sew a variety of beautiful things! But ALWAYS for other people or their children. I have to ASK for stuff for my daughter. I can't tell you what kind of anger and hostility that creates in me. She once accused me of being a snob. Telling my daughter that she didn't think I would LET Grandma make clothes for baby. ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!? I used to LOVE the outfits she made for me as a kid! In fact, I can't wait to lose another 40 pounds so she can make me some pretty summer dresses and stuff like that! In no way would I ever refuse to let my daughter revel in that same feeling I got from wearing something that was made just for her! But I'm a snob. She just does not give me enough credit and it really bothers me. She's always telling me how selfish or inconsiderate I am. My husband thinks I'm not selfish enough. So which is it?!
If I was totally honest with myself, I'd admit that I have a lot of people to forgive for a lot of things. But I don't hold grudges, remember? ;)
Alright, on to the topic at hand. I pretend I don't hold grudges. And, to be honest, I really don't hold grudges very often because the fact of the matter is that it's waaaaay too energy consuming for me. Trying to remember why I'm mad at people when I'm kinda ALWAYS mad at people is really hard! Just too much for me to keep track of I guess. There's only one person in my life who makes it VERY easy to hold and maintain a grudge against them: my mother.
I love my mom so much! I'd really be lost without her sometimes. At the same time, she's one of the few people that can make me angry within about 30 seconds of contact with her. She's not exactly nice. She has a naturally abrasive personality. She thinks that things like calling my brothers and I "slaves" is funny. It was. The first 100 times, I guess. After a few years, it lost it's humor. Now it just makes me wanna punch her. Especially now that I have a child of my own, who happens to be my mom's one and only grandchild at the moment.
I guess I really need to forgive her for not being "emotionally available" to me growing up. I didn't do what I was told because I respected her. I did what I was told because I feared her. I still do. For example, when it came to my wedding, I pretty much let her have her way with most things because I was afraid to fight her on it. Looking back, I wish I'd fought. My wedding was a little over 2 months ago and I still wish we'd just gone to Vegas or something. I really wanted to buy a pretty pair of flats that said "Just Married" on them so I could change out of my 3 inch heels after the ceremony. Mom said that would be tacky. So I didn't buy them. Instead, I kicked off my heels at my reception and went barefoot! Mom almost had a heart attack. Ha! Take that! That was my revenge for her being so mean about my wedding and not letting me have the simple little things I wanted! I'm a horrible daughter.
She also kinda always does stuff for other people and their children before me and my daughter. You know, her ONLY grandchild. Yeah. Nice. My mom is very "crafty." She crochets blankets, makes quillows, makes clothes, does needlepoint and can sew a variety of beautiful things! But ALWAYS for other people or their children. I have to ASK for stuff for my daughter. I can't tell you what kind of anger and hostility that creates in me. She once accused me of being a snob. Telling my daughter that she didn't think I would LET Grandma make clothes for baby. ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!? I used to LOVE the outfits she made for me as a kid! In fact, I can't wait to lose another 40 pounds so she can make me some pretty summer dresses and stuff like that! In no way would I ever refuse to let my daughter revel in that same feeling I got from wearing something that was made just for her! But I'm a snob. She just does not give me enough credit and it really bothers me. She's always telling me how selfish or inconsiderate I am. My husband thinks I'm not selfish enough. So which is it?!
If I was totally honest with myself, I'd admit that I have a lot of people to forgive for a lot of things. But I don't hold grudges, remember? ;)
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